Cryptography is an inherently defensive tool; it hides your information from adversaries. This is crucial to prevent censorship or monitoring of your data. But it's often sold to consumers with fearmongering about all-powerful malicious actors, which is often ignored by all except the privacy-conscious. We explore real-life examples of offensive cryptographic affordances like interoperability, efficiency, and user consent as stronger motivations for the masses to migrate to cypherpunk tech.